Watch Trevor Noah explain what the heck happened at the U.S. Presidential debate

Welp, that US Presidential debate was something else wasn’t it—two septuagenary white men yelling at each other and, for once, it wasn’t even at the Christmas dinner table. President Donald Trump and former Vice President Joe Biden went head-to-head in what can only loosely be called a “debate,” and if you’re brain doesn’t hurt after watching it... honestly, congratulations.Because no Late Night talk show worth their salt would dare air a pre-recorded show when they can dunk on politicians trying to talk about women’s reproductive health care or racism, Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel, and Stephen Colbert all went live last night with their freshly-pressed jokes and zingers aimed at the event that made us all SO. VERY. TIRED.Trevor Noah at The Daily Socially-Distancing Show (aka The Daily Show  which airs Mon-Thurs at 11pET on CTV) very quickly recorded his thoughts after the debate for a monologue that went live this morning.

Trevor reacts to the first "presidential debate." #DebatableTakes pic.twitter.com/TkSIYgdHlH

— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) September 30, 2020

Trevor made sure to point out how out-of-his-depth moderator Chris Wallace seemed when, first question out of the gate, he lost control of the debate and couldn’t wrangle the candidates. “Chris Wallace, thank you for your service, and I hope you have a lot of money for therapy,” Trevor joked, “but you were not ready for this... They don’t need a moderator for this, they need a UFC ref. Dana White, get on it!Using some colourful language to express how frustrated Wallace got with Trump (watch the clip, trust us), Trevor then suggested the next moderator spray them with water when they get out of line“I don’t know about you at home, but I have never, and I mean never, wanted to see a commercial break more badly in my life,” he exasperated. “There’s gotta be a commercial break every 5 minutes, and during those commercial breaks, every ad should be for anti-depressants… or some drug that has side effects that make you forget the last 4 years.” We’d hazard a guess that people on both sides of the spectrum would heartily agree to that after last night’s FUBAR event.[video_embed id='2045710']RELATED: Donald Trump and Joe Biden go off the rails in first Presidential debate [/video_embed]“Debates need fact-checkers!” Trevor exclaimed, exhausted by the avalanche of lies and misinformation that emerged over the course of the night. “Otherwise people can just stand on the stage and say whatever they want and there are no consequences, zero, zilch!”Suggesting that Tetris bricks come down on the screen in front of the candidate whenever they lie until it just covers their face, Trevor joked, “I mean, the best part for Trump is, 5 minutes into the debate, he’ll finally have his wall.” Roasted.Stephen Colbert at The A Late Show had perhaps the most epic monologue of all of late night with a cornucopia of words that were seemingly ripped from The Odyssey. “Tonight was the opening round of Donald Trump versus Joe Biden; the Battle of the Boomers; the Showman versus the Joe-Man! Get ready for democracy to crummmble!” “Yes,” he continued, “tonight saw the best minds of our generation destroyed by madness, starving, hysterical, naked, dragging themselves through the streets at dawn, looking for the mute button! I never thought I’d say this, but I am so looking forward to the vice presidential debate.” Leave it to Stephen for the truth-bombs.Showing a clip of Chris Wallace saying the next question would be about race but “if you want to answer something else, go ahead,” Stephen said what we were all thinking in that moment: “Chris Wallace restating America’s official position on racism.” He’s tough but fair.Stephen loves to lampoon and satirize politics with his zingers, but his tone grew sombre when he said “one of the most upsetting moments not only of the night but of my lifetime” was seeing the sitting president refuse “to simply condemn white supremacy.”But he couldn’t agree with Trevor Noah’s wish for debate fact-checkers, lamenting, “Forget fact-checking this debate. We couldn’t even do any sentence-finding!”The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon (weeknights at 11:35pET on CTV2) was a bit tamer with its critique, as Jimmy always prefers to uplift rather than lampoon, but still, this was tough talking for Fallon: “Sitting through that felt like getting a COVID test in both nostrils at once.” “Before the debate, Chris Wallace said if he did his job right, it would be like he’s not there. Well, mission accomplished,” he joked. “Chris Wallace felt like a kindergarten teacher running a class on Zoom.”“Usually when you see guys this age arguing, it’s about leaves blowing on each other’s lawns,” Jimmy continued. “You know it was rough when the guy who told the president to shut up was seen as the classy candidate.”“The only person who enjoyed that was Vladimir Putin while he was stroking a cat,” he added before echoing Trevor Noah’s thoughts on the commercial breaks. “Actually, tonight’s debate made history. It was the first time Americans ever watched something on TV and wished there were commercials.”Jimmy Kimmel on Jimmy Kimmel Live! took a different tone, joking that after watching the debate, he’s torn between living in Vancouver or Montreal (Welcome to our land, buddeh!). “I’d call it a nightmare,” Jimmy Kimmel said of the debate, “but at least during a nightmare you get some sleep.” “It got off to an interesting start, you know; they flipped a coin to determine who would get the first question, but when Trump saw the quarter in the air he said, ‘Hey, that’s how much I paid in taxes last year,’ and it went downhill from there.” Hm.“Because of the pandemic,” he continued, “there’s no opening handshake tonight; there’s no physical contact. The candidates remained socially distant the whole time. It was like date night with Melania.”Okay, these zingers and slam dunks on the night are hilarious and we are so grateful for them, but still, we just need a 74 hour nap after that debate.As a palate cleanser, please enjoy this video of a tiny baby panda getting a checkup:[video_embed id='2045069']FOR YOUR BRAIN: Watch this tiny baby panda get its very first checkup[/video_embed]