John Oliver's not-so-secret crush on Adam Driver is everything

'Collapse on my chest, you impenetrable barrier.'
August 24, 2020 9:53 a.m. EST

John Oliver is known for his scathing and biting critiques of corruption and the status quo on Last Week Tonight (Mondays on Crave). He eviscerates public figures for their questionable political choices, skewers public policy by pointing out the gaping holes in the process and educates the masses on some of the most complex concepts in our political world.  But lately, the Emmy-award winning host has had a not-so-secret yearning for actor Adam Driver and he wants the world to know about it.

You may think this is out of character for an uptight Brit who spends his on-screen time breaking down the flaws in the electoral college or maliciousness of collection agencies, but you’d be wrong. Because, as far as John Oliver is concerned, Adam Driver can 100% GET IT.

On Sunday's show, the LWT host (who is now also the likely-proud namesake of a sewage plant) did a deep dive into the subject of the U.S.-Mexico border wall, which could have been a little tedious to explain, but even in the midst of complicated international relations and discussions of border walls, Adam Driver’s name still managed to whet John’s lips. Talking about the stability of walls, John revealed his thirst for the Star Wars baddie was still real by reminding audiences that Driver is, in fact, a human wall.

“Collapse on my chest, you impenetrable barrier. Crush my rib cage, you load-bearing behemoth,” he said to the siilent red carpet snap of Driver.

If you’ve been paying attention this season, the Driver-love has been an ever-present force in John’s show. Whether he’s talking about the COVID-19 global pandemic or the Prime Minister of India, somehow, his verging-on-obsession with Driver finds expression in a deep way. Some of his expressions of undying devotion to the Marriage Story star include, “Snap off my toes, you big unwashed buffalo,” and “Sneeze in my Mcflurry, you pensive bison.”

Shortly after LWT moved to an at-home format earlier this year, John addressed his curious crush by admitting that yes, his wife is concerned, his staff think it’s weird, and Adam Driver himself might even have grounds to sue, to which John quipped, “Do it! Slap a restraining order on me, you forlorn block! Beg me to stop, you menacing obstacle!”

Naturally, fans of John Oliver and his Oscar-nominated crush are 100% behind his declarations of adoration for the brooding, tall drink of water (see, now he’s got us doing it!), and Twitter is beside themselves with support of Oliver/Driver fanfiction (which Oliver really shouldn't be surprised at considering his near constant solicitation of rat porn... it's a whole thing).

All we’re saying is, if this season of LWT doesn’t end with an appearance by Driver sweeping Johnnie off his feet, we will be forced to write a strongly worded email to the manager.

Watch Last Week Tonight Mondays on Crave.

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