Paris Jackson opens up about a dark time in her life

Paris Jackson signed up to give fans an inside look at her life on her new Facebook Watch series, Unfiltered: Paris Jackson & Gabriel Glenn, and she definitely isn’t holding back. In the latest episode the 22-year-old daughter of Michael Jackson got real about her struggles with body image, depression and self-harm, admitting that she has tried to kill herself many times.“I was the only girl of four boys for the first 10, 11 years of my life,” Jackson said. “Because I was the only girl, my dad loved playing dress-up. I looked like a porcelain doll and I hated it.” The musician added that after her dad’s death she turned to food. “Food became an addiction and then a cousin called me fat so I was like, ‘OK, I can't do that anymore.’ And that's how I fell into self-harm.” Jackson shares the spotlight with her boyfriend and bandmate Gabriel Glenn on the series. In the second episode she delved even deeper into that dark period in her life and confessed that as she began cutting and burning herself she always felt in control because when she held that razor she knew how deep she was going. For her it was more about chasing a specific feeling.“There's a lot of things that cause a dopamine release. Self-harm was one of them, tattoos was one of them and so there was that and then also it was a distraction from emotional pain and transferring to physical pain and the need for control,” she explained. “Yes, I tried to kill myself many times.”[video_embed id='1887426']RELATED: This books makes sense of depression and what causes it[/video_embed]Over the years Jackson has sought out professional treatment for her mental health issues. The first time she reportedly tried to take her life was when she was 15 years old, and she was sent to a therapeutic boarding school in Utah as a result. In January 2019 many reports speculated as to whether she had had a relapse after she checked herself into a mental health treatment facility in order to center herself. “Yes I've taken a break from work and social media and my phone because it can be too much sometimes," she wrote on Instagram at the time, "and everyone deserves a break, but I am happy and healthy and feeling better than ever!"

 

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the media is exaggerating per usual.. yes i’ve taken a break from work and social media and my phone because it can be too much sometimes, and everyone deserves a break, but i am happy and healthy and feeling better than ever! gabriel and i have some new music we’re stoked to share with y’all! (@thesoundflowers) hope you guys’ new year started out with lots of love and light and all the things. i’ll be back soon!! xxox ?♥️

A post shared by PK Dragonfly (@parisjackson) on Jan 16, 2019 at 7:50am PST

These days Jackson says she’s in a better place, revealing in the episode that although she still battles depression, which “comes in waves,” she’d rather feel those unbearable “lows” rather than feel nothing at all. “Pain is way better than numb because at least you're feeling something,” she added. Meanwhile, she hopes that going forward she can be a comforting voice to those who are battling some of the same issues she’s had to face.“When I first got into the fashion world I didn't understand that I couldn't be myself all the time,” she added. “I still struggle to accept myself but that's what I want to influence. I want to influence self-acceptance and courage and being comfortable in your own skin. I'm just working on content, trying to be content. Baby steps. Self-love is f---ing hard.”[video_embed id='1990898']BEFORE YOU GO: Here’s how yoga can help you get a good night’s sleep[/video_embed]