Lady Gaga says she woke up depressed to be herself every day

It’s a lot of work to be Lady Gaga and no one knows that more than Mother Monster herself. In a new cover story with Billboard, Gaga opens up about her mental health struggles following the release of her 2016 album Joanne and starring role in 2018’s Oscar-winning A Star Is Born. According to Gaga, the period of massive critical acclaim and commercial success in her public life was marred by the darkest time in her personal life.Following the end of her 2018 Joanne World Tour, Gaga said she would wake up depressed every day, growing fearful of leaving the house. "I used to wake up every day and remember I was Lady Gaga — and then I would get depressed,” she told the publication. For the first time in almost a decade, Gaga says she finally began to deal with the isolating reality of being one of the most famous people in the world. “I was peeling all the layers of the onion in therapy,” says Gaga, “so as you dig deeper, you get closer to the core, and the core of the onion stinks.”Before seeking professional help, Gaga says she spent days crying while self-medicating with cigarettes and alcohol. Her dependency on alcohol even inspired the line “I’d rather be dry, but at least I’m alive,” in her Ariana Grande collaboration “Rain On Me.” “My existence in and of itself was a threat to me,” says Gaga. “I thought about really dark shit every single day.”[video_embed id='2008958']RELATED: Lady Gaga announces Gaga Radio[/video_embed]Those closest to artist tried to help, but Gaga said she would simply pull the popstar card. “It’s the one where you go, ‘I’m Lady Gaga, you don’t understand what it feels like, I want to dress how I want and be who I am without people noticing, why does everybody have to notice, I’m so sad, I don’t even know why anymore, why are you making me talk about it?’”Thanks to the help of her friends and therapist, Gaga was eventually able to get to a place where she could see herself continuing in her music career. Her manager, Bobby Campbell, would add studio time to Gaga’s calendar, knowing that being creative typically filled the singer with joy. Producer BloodPop began visiting Gaga daily and the pair would spend hours talking before getting to work in Gaga’s home studio, where much of Chromatica was written. Gaga says that these talks help lead to some of her most personal work to date, which flowed fast and freely from the musician. “I’m a savage when I want to write a pop song,” said Gaga.

 

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"Put on your superhero suit": How #LadyGaga navigated a year unlike any other. Read the #Grammys preview cover story at the link in bio. –– Photos: @djenebaaduayom Styling: @nicolaformichetti Hair: @fredericaspiras / @theonly.agency Makeup: @sarahtannomakeup / @forwardartists / @hauslabs Manicurist: @mihonails Set Design: @lizzielang / @walterschupfermanagement

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Returning to the studio where she was able to exorcise some of the demons that had been left unchecked for years, Gaga says that she found her way back to a healthy state of mind. “If there’s one glimmer inside you, celebrate it,” says Gaga. “When you find another one, celebrate it. One more? Call a friend: ‘I did this today. I’m winning.’”After being forced to scrap the massive promotional rollout for Chromatica, delay the album release and push off the tour until 2021, Gaga has managed to still champion the album through inventive merchandise (jock straps, anyone?), a stunning MTV VMA performance and big budget music videos. In August, Gaga filmed the video for the single “911” and said the process forced her to revisit her darkest period. “Freedom for me is when I can go to the darkest part of my heart, visit things that are hard and then leave them behind,” said Gaga. “Give them to the world and spin all the pain into a puddle of gold.”

 

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“I used to wake up every day and remember I was Lady Gaga — and then I would get depressed … I was peeling all the layers of the onion in therapy, so as you dig deeper, you get closer to the core, and the core of the onion stinks.” –#LadyGaga on the depression she experienced during the making of #Chromatica. Read the full cover story at the link in bio.⁠ ?: @djenebaaduayom

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In her new piece with Billboard, Gaga also touches on life in quarantine, which for the popstar has meant creating a compound-style living arrangement with members of her team. She also talks about the importance of staying safe during COVID, which includes balking at those who refused to wear a mask (“Give me a break. Show some respect for the people who are there for us when we dial 911.”) The singer also opened up about the significance of the current 2020 mainstream focus on BLM.“When you’re born in this country, we all drink the poison that is white supremacy. I am in the process of learning and unlearning things I’ve been taught my whole life,” says Gaga. “What do I think about [posting] a black square? I think everybody has a different feeling about a black square. Do I think there’s such a thing as performative activism? Yes. Do I think there’s been true activism that’s been very important and needed? Yes. Do I believe Black lives matter? Yes. Do I believe this is going to get louder? Yes. Do I believe it should? Yes.”Gaga’s Chromatica has arrived at a time when joyful music that is filled with raw emotion is needed more than ever and the popstar views her latest release as her way to give back. “When I see people struggling like they are right now,” she says, “my brain goes, ‘Put on your superhero suit. Let’s go.’”[video_embed id='2030335']BEFORE YOU GO: Cat attempts daily hilarious attack on mail carrier [/video_embed]