Goop has released its Mother's Day gift guide and it's bonkers

Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop website has released its latest must-haves for this year’s Mother’s Day and as usual, the lifestyle site has compiled a list that is a combination of thoughtful items that any mom would love to receive and outrageously extravagant products that have the same price tag as taking your mom on an all-expenses paid trip to an exotic location. But since 2020 is the year of quarantine, it looks like mom will be getting that $17,000 vintage Hermes bag.As with every gift guide from the wonderfully wacky Goop, the curated list features items that company founder Gwyneth Paltrow probably will buy for her mother, Blythe Danner. Giving viewers a glance into how the other half, or in this case, the other 1 percent live, the Goop Mother’s Day gift guide alerts us to products we didn’t even know existed.There’s the Sproutiso, a smartphone powered smart plant grower that gets rid of all that pesky work of watering, planting, and finding sun that goes with growing a single herb, instead streamlining the process for the oh-so-affordable price of $1,100. Of course, that doesn’t include the monthly app fee or unlimited seed refills. We’re not saying this product isn’t super cool, we’re just saying that’s a big acre price tag.

 

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Posted @withrepost • @crownshynyc Crown Shy redefines the hospitality experience by growing our own Personal Produce with the help of our proud partner SproutsIO. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Fresh produce grown in our kitchen any time of year. Check out our story to see how it works. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Congratulations @jkentnyc @jkatz411 and the incredible team @crownshynyc on your opening today! We are inspired by what you are creating and look forward to growing together. #friendsandfamily #sproutsio #personalproduce #growyourown

A post shared by SproutsIO (@sproutsio) on Mar 18, 2019 at 12:01pm PDT

[video_embed id='1933785']RELATED: Gwyneth Paltrow hints that isolation has made her sexually frustrated[/video_embed]Then there’s the $1,767 titanium casserole dish, which admittedly is incredibly gorgeous and designed to last a lifetime, but that price tag! Wow. We can’t see mom storing this in the warming rack under the stove with the rest of the pan set she bought at Canadian Tire in the 1980s. We also can’t see anyone being okay with dropping $428 on a rose quartz incense burner. Wait, it comes with a pack of 50 incense sticks? Still no.

 

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⭐The most beautiful Casserole Pan... if we do say so ourselves ⭐⁠ ⁠ This Casserole Pan is a standout piece from the collection. It is as practical as it is beautiful, a good size for cooking for larger groups. Ideal for above the stove as well as baking in the oven. The beautifully hand-crafted side handles make it easily transferrable from kitchen to the dining table.⁠ ⁠ Explore our full range of non-toxic, grade 316Ti titanium cookware via the product tag or link in our bio. ?⁠ .⁠ .⁠ .⁠ #LuxuryCookware #OndineCuisine #Ondine #MarieGuerlain #titanium #titaniumcookware #design #lifestyle #interiordesign #luxurylife #instagood #luxurylifestyle #beautiful #home #decor #beauty #cooking #homecooking #kitchen #kitchenware #foodie #cookware #chefmode #instafood #delicious #pans #instalike #nontoxic #toxinfree

A post shared by Ondine (@ondinecuisine) on Feb 13, 2020 at 4:01am PST

Focused on taking care of every part of mom, Goop also includes some R-rated gifts that you probably don’t want to actually gift to your own mother or receive from your children. Maybe this is an item for your partner to purchase for you? Or for moms to get for themselves? Yes, let’s go with that plan for the $216 Vesper Vibrator Necklace, a piece of jewelry that should not be passed down through generations. Ditto for the 450 piece Boobs puzzle. Actually, that one might be fun for a future generation's quarantine.

 

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Miss my friends, but leaning on my quarantine BFF. ⁠ ⁠ ⁠ ⁠ ⁠ ⁠ ? @sexology_institute #lovecrave #ownyourpleasure #vesperstyle #goodvibesonly #pleasureseeker #femalepleasure #solosex #selfisolation #bff

A post shared by Crave (@lovecrave) on Apr 10, 2020 at 7:15am PDT

Thankfully, Goop does also include more reasonably priced items that moms will appreciate, like the Gloria Steinem Tea Set. For $65, your mom can spend the day fighting the patriarchy and then relaxing with a warm cup of ginger tea. Sure, spending $51 on an Emotion Detox Bath Soak is a lot, but mom’s need to relax now more than ever. One hundred bucks on a Westman Atelier Super Loaded Tinted Highlighter? For mom, sometimes you have to say YOLO before I LUV U.

 

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Cheaper than therapy ? Tap to shop your emotional detox goop bath soak. Photo via @bewellbykelly

A post shared by goop (@goop) on Aug 15, 2018 at 1:28pm PDT

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