“Royals” singer Lorde has revealed in her latest email newsletter sent out to fans that she has been suffering from both physical and emotional challenges, and her raw words are leaving fans reeling. She starts off her note to fans admitting that she drafted another version, but decided to chuck it all and start again.
She admits that she misses home in New Zealand as she remains in London, but takes pleasure in the little things like swimming, taking the train, or eating in her kitchen. But then she launches into what she calls a recent “heartbreak” suggesting she has broken up with boyfriend Justin Warren, a music executive.
The “Ribs” crooner says she is “living with heartbreak again” – describing this feeling as being “different but the same.” “I ache all the time, I forget why and then remember,” she explains. “I’m not trying to hide from the pain, I understand now that pain isn’t something to hide from, that there’s actually great beauty in moving with it. But sometimes I’m sick of being with myself.”
She continues, “I eat chocolate to try and manipulate the endorphins, bring back the sweet happiness of Easter morning. I sit in the time machine and wait for it to move, but it hasn’t been invented yet.”
It’s not just her emotional well-being that’s taken a hit. Her physical health is also in decline, she bravely admits, noting that she’s removed an unnamed medication from her daily routine. "The little yellow pill I took every morning for thousands of mornings since I was 15, I stopped taking it 5 days ago," she admits. "Gonna see how it goes."
The decision, she explains, has come after her body is reacting to an unknown or unnamed ailment, and she’s trying to listen to what her body is telling her. "My body is really inflamed, it's trying to tell me something and I'm trying to support it but nothing seems to help and I get frustrated.”
"My gut isn't working properly, my skin is worse than ever, I've gotten sick half a dozen times."
"I realized earlier this year that listening to my body is hard for me, it's something I never really learned how to do," she added. "I've been trying to teach myself that this year, but it's been hard actually, pretty confronting, has made me fully aware of all the times I ignored it or didn't give it what it needed, shamed it for a fight or flight response, took a handful of pills and pushed through."
Despite everything that she is going through right now, she seems to have already the right attitude and perspective when it comes to physical and emotional healing. "I'm gonna look back on this year with fondness and a bit of awe,” she says, “knowing it was the year that locked everything into place, the year that transitioned me from my childhood working decade to the one that comes next."
"I still laugh every day, it's all moving, even when it goes slow. I've accepted the mission - I have a self to recover," she ended the newsletter note. This raw look into Lorde's personal feelings and health has sent social media reeling. Fans are gushing on Twitter about how Lorde made them cry when they opened their emails this morning.