Pitch Perfect star Anna Kendrick is opening up about a toxic abusive relationship she found herself in for six years.
Appearing on the Armchair Expert podcast, she told hosts Dax Shepard and Monica Padman: “I was with someone — this was somebody I lived with, for all intents and purposes my husband. We had embryos together, this was my person.”
She continued, “And then about six years in, about somewhere around there, I remember telling my brother, when things had first kind of gone down, ‘I’m living with a stranger. Like, I don’t know what’s happening.'”
“It wasn’t just the ‘Oh, I’m losing a relationship.’ It was that I believed that if we broke up or, you know if he left basically, it was a confirmation that it’s because I’m impossible, I’m lucky that he’s even tolerating my bulls**t.”
She went on to explain that when she would confront her unnamed ex about his moods and behaviours, he would “scream” at her until she was “curled in a ball, sobbing.”
The Up In The Air star then recalled an incident where she invited her partner to join her on set, and noticed he had a peculiar mood the entire time. When she asked him if anything was the matter, he revealed that he had feelings for another woman. “The worst possible thing was, I was like, ‘please don’t say this girl’s name,’ and he started talking about this girl.” That, she says, triggered feelings of inadequacy, and she convinced her then-partner to partake in couple’s therapy.
"There was an inherent thing of me being so rejectable that this person who loved me very deeply for six years, it suddenly occurred to him, how awful I was or something," she admitted.. "The shame, that lingers much longer."
She then recalled how she "dismantled" her life to deal with the tumultuous nature of the relationship.
"I did start going to Al-Anon while all this was going on. I mean, look, I truly dismantled my life, and at first, that was as a reaction to the accusation that I was crazy and I was the one causing the problem," she revealed.
"So I had a conversation with CAA, my agency and said I need to take time off, I have a mental health problem."
"I started seeing two therapists a week and I started trying to learn to meditate and I got into Al-Anon and all of these things ended up being very wonderful things for me in the long run, but initially went into them thinking, 'Tell me how to stop being crazy. Tell me how to stop feeling anything.' "
"It was hard for me to recognize this as an abusive relationship because it didn’t follow (the normal) trajectory," she also admitted. "This is unusual that this is six years of very happy, loving relationship and then an overnight shift.”
That relationship is now mercifully over, and in an art-imitating-life scenario, her new movie Alice, Darling tackles some of these very issues. "I was coming out of a personal experience with emotional abuse and psychological abuse," she frankly stated. "I think my rep sent [the script] to me because he knew what I'd been dealing with and sent it along. Because he was like, 'This sort of speaks to everything that you've been talking to me about.' "
Last year, Anna was dating SNL funnyman Bill Hader, but they broke up in the summer. He is not believed to be the ex-partner she is referring to in her interview. You can listen to her full interview on Armchair Expert here.