Lil Nas X gets real about feeling ‘insecure’ in his sexuality

'i love who i am and whatever i decide to do,' he tweeted.
June 29, 2021 10:35 a.m. EST
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Ever since Lil Nas X dropped the single and music video for “Montero (Call Me By Your Name),” he has had to endure a lot of queerphobia on social media, in conservative media, by religious groups, and in dominant culture. Over the weekend, he performed the mega-hit at the BET Awards with an Egyptian pharaoh theme reminiscent of Michael Jackson’s “Remember The Time.” His performance was brave, and when he kissed one of his male back up dancers, he was firmly asserting himself as unapologetic.

But the queerphobia continues, and LNX had to take to Twitter on Monday to call out these reactions for what they are.

In response to a now-deleted tweet containing a video of an older gay man slamming his performance, LNX (whose real name is Montero Lamar Hill) cut to the root of the issue: "Y’all hate yourselves so much. Y’all live your lives trying your best to appease straight ppl.”

"Y’all are uncomfortable with what i do because y’all are afraid they will be uncomfortable with you."

But his statement didn’t end there. The “Sun Goes Down” singer pointed out the hypocrisy of insisting rock stars and rappers uphold some kind of role model status that stringently insists they behave like politicians rather than artists.

"We are 4 months in and people are still acting surprised that i am being gay and sexual in performances of a song about gay and sexual s**t," he quote tweeted himself. "Like the song is literally about gay sex what y’all want me to do play the piano while baking a cake?"

One Twitter user tried that old queerphobic tactic of insisting gay people shouldn’t be flamboyant about their sexuality, tweeting at LNX, "You’re so insecure about your sexuality you’re over compensating for it every chance you get. Gay people who know themselves don’t constantly have to remind everyone that they are gay."

Lil Nas X wasn’t backing down to that, and in a moment of vulnerability, revealed some of his innermost thoughts and struggles, tweeting, "You’re right i am insecure about my sexuality. i still have a long way to go. i’ve never denied that."

"When you’re conditioned by society to hate yourself your entire life it takes a lot of unlearning," the “Old Town Road” rapper continued. "Which is exactly why i do what i do."

“It took me a lot of time to mentally prepare for this performance,” he continued in another tweet. "While on stage i was trembling knowing that i was performing something like that in front of my straight peers. even during the performance i was having a hard time calming my nerves. thank you guys for the love," he wrote.

When another user insisted it is LNX’s job to censor himself for kids who may be watching, he was having none of that.

At that, many music fans came to LNX’s defence, pointing out that society has no problem when two women kiss on stage, like Madonna, Britney Spears, and Christina Aguilera famously did at the MTV Video Music Awards back in 2003. However when two men, and especially when two gay Black men, kiss, suddenly society is hypocritically up in arms.

Lil Nas X, who came out as gay during Pride Month in 2019, has won two Grammys since then and we can only imagine where this creative man will take us next.


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